Language for Learning
This is a guest blog post by Children’s Nutritionist, Hannah Daw (MSc, ANutr)
Introduction
The words we use during mealtimes can shape how our children feel about food, eating, and themselves. It’s natural to want to encourage them to “eat well” or “just try something new,” but phrases like this can add pressure rather than spark curiosity.
Reframing language as part of our toolkit to support feeding is a powerful concept. This means using language to build confidence, curiosity, empower children and promote exploration around food.
What children hear
Children are always learning from what we say and casual comments around food can quietly shape how they see themselves.
When my son, Lucas, was tube fed, feeding became my focus and I often spoke openly about our challenges in front of him. Over time, I realised that he could be listening to every word. Those conversations might have been teaching him that he wasn’t an eater rather than showing him that he was still learning and developing new skills.
Words such as “he won’t eat his vegetables” or “you don’t normally like that” can reinforce a child’s identity as a selective eater while using phrases like “you’re still learning,” or “maybe we can try that another time” can leave space for growth. With the right language we use can help to make a child feel more capable at mealtimes.
The language of food
Neutral, curious, or supportive language helps children feel safe enough to explore food at their own pace. This is especially true for those with feeding differences or sensory sensitivities, where mealtimes can feel overwhelming.
By describing food in a calm, neutral way, we can invite children to explore, even if they’re not ready to eat it yet. In this way we can use language to lay the foundations for eating. Talking about how food looks, sounds, smells, or feels can prepare them for what these new experiences may be like: helping them to feel safe moving through all the steps needed to potentially eat that food.
Here are some simple ways to use language as a learning tool:
Use curiosity instead of control
Curiosity invites exploration why not try asking, “what does that feel like to touch?” rather than “just try one bite”?Describe, don’t judge
Descriptive language can help children to form their own opinions, “this carrot is really crunchy” encourages curiosity more than “this is yummy!”.We can help to validate feelings around food
Phrases like “that was a powerful taste” show understanding. When children feel heard, they’re more likely to stay calm and curious.Separate food from worth.
Avoiding moral language such as “naughty treats” or “good foods” helps to keep food on a level playing field. Instead, we can describe food factually such as “it’s smooth and sweet” or “it makes a crunching sound”.Talk about what they can do
Highlighting what we can do with food can help to build positive associations, for example “we can squash it” or “we can snap it”. This works for behaviour too; “we keep food on the table” is clearer and calmer helping them to focus on what to do.Model with curiosity
Children learn far more from what they see than what they’re told. When you explore new foods yourself, describing textures, smells, or tastes, you show them that curiosity is safe and fun, and that you are doing this together.
Actions as well as words
Our body language at the table can speak just as loud as words. I remember when my son, Lucas, wasn’t eating, every meal felt tense. I would sit there, anxious, trying to hide my worry, but of course, he could see it on my face.
For a child, noticing that anxiety can make food feel stressful or even unsafe. Over time, I learned that softening my body language and shifting the focus away from what he was, or wasn’t, eating helped create a calmer, safer space.
Small adjustments in body language can reduce pressure, build trust, and show that progress isn’t just about what’s on the plate. These subtle changes can be invaluable in supporting a child as they learn to eat.
When feeding is different
For families of children with Paediatric Feeding Disorders, mealtimes can often feel emotionally charged. While language is a powerful tool, there are times when it may be useful to focus on topics other than food. Remember, seeking guidance from a health professional for evidence-based advice is always important.
Final Thoughts
When we choose words that are neutral, curious, and compassionate at meal or snack times, we give children permission to develop confidence and autonomy around food; to become curious eaters, not compliant ones.
About the author of this blog
Hannah is a Registered Associate Nutritionist and Mum to Lucas, who had feeding difficulties and was eventually diagnosed with a paediatric feeding disorder (PFD).
Hannah has a MSc in Eating Disorders and Clinical Nutrition and supports other families with children with PFD.
She has her own practice supporting children and their families with all aspects of nutrition from fussy eating to plant based diets.
For more information about Hannah, you can visit her website www.thechildrensnutritionconsultant.com